Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts

Saturday, 25 August 2018

Is it really Men's World?



Why do we create customs that destroy us? Which custom said that women alone should be given more attention so that men can marry them? And which law forbids men from getting more of home training because they are men? Please permit me to ask more.

Do male children not deserve to get more of home training to make them more responsible? Why do parents, especially mothers pay more attention to their female children when it comes to home training and character formation, neglecting their male children? As we train the female children to behave well, just for them to qualify for marriage, is it not also proper to pay even more attention to the male children that will marry the trained female ones, in order to balance the equation? Have we not confused our priorities?

The neglect of male children has caused so much harm in the society today; there are many beasts today instead of men. Majority of our leaders who have done much harm to the society are men, prisons are filled up with young and older men; women prisoners are few, there are many men today who are old enough to shoulder responsibilities, yet they are still mummy’s boy, some are even transforming themselves to women (transgender), we can go on and on. Women are taking to violence because they have learnt from men. I wonder what our society will turn out to be if things continue this way, because it will grow to worse.

I was inspired to talk about this after reading a tweet shared by Thembi Maphanga who has firsthand experience on how destructive and abusive man could be @thembeyakhe. It was reported at naij.com and it read: "I am not a rehabilitation center for a badly raised man; it is not my job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him! I want a partner not a project! I deserve respect and love. I am not an object that can be owned, possessed or controlled. I value me.

Younger parents, especially mothers should please start correcting the mistakes of the older parents before things get out of hand. For us to enjoy safety, peace of mind, good governance, better homes, etc; male children should be given adequate home training and discipline, they should be taught to be responsible from their infant age, they deserve to be humans; they deserve to live a crime free life. Some say it is men’s world; some say it is women’s world, but Ideal Olive says it is our world and we have to make it better for all of us.

Written by Olive Chinyere Amajuoyi

Friday, 18 August 2017

Child Right Act or Child Abuse!

CHILD RIGHT ACT OR CHILD ABUSE!
Sometime last year 2016, a primary school teacher friend of mine narrated an incident that happened in their school that had to do with a pupil in her class. It happened that the child flared up and tore her notebook because her teacher pointed out a mistake she has made while doing her class work. Thereafter, her teacher was forced to discipline her a little by slapping her buttocks three times. The next day, the child came to school with her mother whom she has reported the matter to. On arriving the school, the mother went with her daughter to meet the head teacher and the child’s teacher was summoned. After narrating what happened, the teacher was given two weeks suspension with no due consideration. Afterwards, the head teacher assured the mother of the child in question that such will never happen again, as it is not in their policy to harm their pupils. Meanwhile, the mother went to the teacher and apologized for what happened, adding that she knows that the teacher did what was right by disciplining her child, who she admits is very stubborn, and is getting out of control. She went further to explain that she does not want her child’s trouble and that was why she listened to her, saying that she only followed her to school to satisfy her. The funniest thing is that she was whispering all her apologies so that her daughter, whom she has conspicuously dismissed to her classroom, will not hear what she was saying; else, a fresh war will set in.

The question now is: Are we actually implementing the Child Right Act or Child Abuse? From my own point of view, Child Right Act, based on Nigerian version, as accepted by the National Assembly and passed into Nigerian Law in July 2003 by Olusegun Obasanjo, implies the following:

Ø To protect children from battering, torture, maltreatment etc.
Ø To ensure that every child undergoes a free, compulsory and universal education which is to be provided by the government
Ø To ensure that every child is entitled to rest, leisure, enjoyment, good medical care, food, shelter, good drinking water and sanitized environment.
Ø To protect children against child’s betrothal/child marriage, tattoo marks, female genital mutilation, exposure of children to drugs; criminal activities, prostitution/sexual abuse etc.

Going through the above, I am sure that every well meaning individual have this same understanding. It is just unfortunate that to every good concept in this world, there is always a pollutant to pollute it. We are gifted with the invention of computers to help us lessen our official, personal and academic tasks; but there is also the virus to contend with. For this pollutant therefore, we are faced with the responsibility of either using our computers without having to import files from the internet or spending money to install antivirus in our computers in order to guard our files against virus.
On the other hand, a farmer who plants his seed and expects bountiful harvest is faced with the task and responsibility of checking his farm often to weed out malicious grasses that could render his efforts useless. We can go on and on.

Likewise, the Child Right Act has been polluted by human pollutants. Its concept came in good faith but the pollutants have confused the idea and many people have taken it the wrong way. Some theorists have described the Child right Act as giving the children absolute autonomy to decide for themselves what is best for them, which includes right to sexual freedom, right to choose their mode of education, right to be free from corporal punishment, right to choose where they will reside, right to economic power and financial independence. What height of insanity? Must we always expose ourselves to influenza whenever America sneezes? Can’t we at least adopt some protective measures? Can’t we learn to adopt what is healthy for us and trash what is not? 

I am a Christian and therefore have consulted the Holy Bible to get a clearer view. Proverbs 22 v. 6 says: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. When we bring forth children into this world, they don’t know anything. They solely depend on their parents or guardians to survive and succeed. Having been in the world before them, we have experienced and learnt so many things and therefore, able to differentiate the good from bad. Therefore, it is only right for us to pass on to the children, those values, principles, cultures/traditions etc. that we know will help the children to succeed and become better than us. They are not the ones we should listen to. We are not the ones to obey their demands and therefore shouldn’t be compelled to grant their desires except if we know that those demands and desires are good for them. It is our duty as parents, guardians, teachers, etc. to teach them how to face life and grow; and also listen to their complaints, then advice and guard them based on our experiences and knowledge.

Moreover, Proverbs 13 v. 24 says: “Whoever spares the rod hate their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them”. Hence, the popular phrase; ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’. This verse has been misinterpreted by many to be child battering. Most times, parents, teachers, guardians and most especially masters and mistresses inflict wounds on the children that are in their custody, in the name of discipline. The above verse simply means discipline. When discipline fails to achieve its purpose, then it is no longer discipline.

Inflicting wounds on the children will only harden their hearts. It makes them believe that they are worth nothing, hence seeking an alternative to a better life which might eventually lead them to some vices. The pollutants have also capitalized on the above verse to threaten and question the act of child discipline; giving children absolute autonomy to decide for themselves how to live their lives, which is very wrong.

Before we dance to certain tunes, played by few groups of people with evil or destructive motive, we should be able to think constructively, and create a mental picture of the outcome of our decisions and picture the outcome of the decisions made for us to accept. We are gradually giving in to the demands and desires of children, be it good or bad, without considering the future implications. Gradually, we are turning today’s helpless children into beasts; starving them of good morals and values. That is not what they need. They only think it is the right thing for them but we, knowing that it is wrong for them, carelessly give in to their demands.

We need to go back to the drawing board and learn the right way to discipline our children. Children should be disciplined in love. They should be rebuked or flogged based on what they did wrong and considering their childhood stage. They should also be encouraged and rewarded when they do something commendable. They deserve fair hearing to know when they need help of any kind. Above all, they should be taught the principles of life by their parents, guardians and teachers. They are not to be maltreated for whatever reason and they are not to be left on their own to decide for themselves how to run their lives, because they have seen nothing and therefore knows nothing, as we adults presume.

It is good to copy but best to copy well. Instead of getting confused and misinterpreting the Child Right Act, I think we should study it carefully, and focus on devising means of implementing it as it is. The following should be our focus:

Ø Establishing homes for those children that their parents cannot take care of, and making sure that they get the basic education and are well taken care of
Ø Ensuring that children under the age of 18 years are not made to hawk in the streets when their mates are in school.
Ø Ensuring that parents, teachers and guardians are taught the best way to discipline and nurture their children, and not maltreat them in the name of discipline.
Ø Ensuring that children under the age of 18 are not sent out to slave masters and mistresses to learn trade or as house helps and are abused instead.
Ø Ensuring that children are not forced into early marriage etc.

   Together, we can protect the future generation. Together, we can protect the future leaders. Together, we can stop child battering. Let us stop taking instructions from our children and neglecting them to freelance lifestyle in the pretext of implementing the Child Right Act. Help preserve the human race!


Written by Olive Chinyere Amajuoyi

An Open Letter to theTribunal Judges

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